letter...

people always tell me "you dont seem like a shy person"
its funny...
i actually think i am shy..
i think people (and i) put shy and self concious as the same thing.
but they arnt...
like... ill say anything i want to anyone i want to say it to.... but i will think about it... more then the averege out going person...

and i also talk about myself sooo much more...
when people hear me talking about myself they say things like "i didnt know you were shy." but they really mean... i didnt know u were this self concious...
self concious... more like...self pondering....
lol
yep...
new topic...lol..
the voice of that boy in (the book im reading) "extreamly loud and incredibly close" sounds exactly like my brain!!!!
i love him! lol
if he is autistic....then i am!
cuz i swear... if i didnt think it sounded crazy (if i was still nine years old) i would talk about all the things that he talks about...cuz i doo think about themmm...
its pretty nifty...
im carying the book around in my red bag...
it makes me happy.
im going into the city tomorow.
with friends from film camp..
we are having our first big reunion..
like eleven people can come...
we have no plans..
we are just all gonna walk around i guess.
one kid--kevin-- lives in the city so hes gonna be our guild... hes kinda crazy though... so we are a little scared... and excited...
we are gonna look like such tourists cuz we are all gonna have our cameras.
there is a fine like between tourist and photographer.
im excited!
i donno what to wear!
i love clothes.
clothes are a very under appreciated art form...
not that clothes are under appreciated... haha...
no... they are under appreciated as an art form... cuz they are one,...
i think i want to be some kind of clothes person...
like a costume or fashion designeer..
ill add it to my list...
actress
film maker
writer
painter
poet
fashion designer...
hehe
i dont like high school.
i wish i could just go right into life.
i like life.
i hate how some people (my age)'s lives seem to center around school.
it seems so irrelivent to me...
i mean.
its one thing to want to get good grades so that you can go to a good college so that you can do waht you want to do with your life...
but its another thing to just get good grades... and u dont really think about why your doing it... you just do it... it seems kind of sad...
i dont know what id think about if i had values like that...
i wonder what they think about...
i like to say "these kids dont think."
but i know they do.
there minds arnt just quiet.
i really wish i could hear thier thoughts...
i wonder what they would think if they heard mine.
ugg!
i always do this.
i seperate myself from other people...
i make myself better then them... or i make myself worse then them...
im trying to stop.
i think it would be healthier.
hmmm...
my fingers hurt...
do u ever get in a frenzy when your typing...?
like you cant stop and ur fingers are cramping up but you just keep going?..
kind of like when your talking and the spit is building up in your mouth and your running out a air but you keep going and you gasp and spit out the last sentence cuz you were just so into what you were saying?...
welll my fingers are like that right now... with typing...
and i need to stop cuz it hurts...
good night!