Monday, December 29, 2008

old story

Magic Man
Saturday, July 19, 2008 at 10:08pm

Across the street from the hardware store where I went to buy the light bulb for the baby’s head for my installation, there’s a huge building with a domed roof and a lot of very tall columns.
There’s a green lawn between the huge building and the street and on the lawn there are tall lamp posts whose lamps are like giant glass globes.

On Thursday there was a man standing on the grass under the lamp posts, playing with a tiny glass ball that looked like it might have fallen from a post and shrunken to a size that he could toss between his hands.
theres a man named Brian Fraud whos written and illastrated a few books about fairies.
many of his fairies have globes with them, floating above their palms sort of like personifications of their fairy magic.

the man on the lawn rolled the orb over his arms and the backs of his hands... flip flopping his objectified power under the glass globed lamps like a magic trick or a slight-of-hand or trick-the-eye game.

I tried to take his picture.
I stepped out of my comfort zone to take five more shots then I usually allow myself... before my stalker slash tourist phobias take over and I run away from the stranger whose soul I’ve tried to capture...

I tried and tried
But I didn’t capture the man with the globe.
only the memory of it in the awful snap shot photos that, when I look at them, will remind me of him. And ill know where and who and what I saw.
Someone else will see a man in a blue shirt with a smudgy green grey something behind him and a blur of something that could be anything flickering between his palms.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

just dreaming
id like to work in Anthropologie
and stay late when the people come to hang the strange paper and yarn decorations from everywhere.
and maybe hold the bottom of a ladder while they reach up to nail a nail.

i think that there should be a whole new goverment funded work devision that is in charge of beautifying.
they will be like the maintenence. and they will be everywhere where there is a maintenence.
they will have meetings and design all the decorations for the mall or community college where they work
they will hang and ornament all the places where the janitors sweep.
they will work everyday and everything will always be artful.
it will be basically like a crew of instalation artists who make things like beautiful lighting and carpets.
or something
imagine going to a mall one a week and finding that everything is different everytime because someone is paid to make sure that the lighting is blue one week and red the next.
sort of the way Google illustrates their logo according to holidays- this work force will illustrate their area according to everyday
but not just holidays- seasons and themes in the news and current events.

Goodnight Benjamin

the curious case of Benjamin button made me want to wake up early and hear the birds singing
and live my life in a big way and fall in love
all in misty blue.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


want to go away
get away
from something that feels like nothing but also feels like everything
everything means nothing

away where?
point a to point be
process, process, process,
remember to pre-heat
point a to point b.
measurments and sugar.
tell me what to do!
but dont tell me what to do!
i know what to do!
make me do it!
i will
make me do it!
shut up!
heart sqeeezzeedd with tight situations.
sunny breezy big windowed mornings!
im done.
fail me!
im done!
i dont want anything
except everything.
dont tell me what to do.
i want to do everything.
college! shit!
i dont want to make movies!
i want to make stories
in my head!!
i dont want to show them to you!
theyre mine!
theyre incredible!
but youll never know
i cant do this.
could we do it?
i hate you!
i just dont like you
that doesnt imply hate
dont touch me!
if you touch me i hate you!
i cant do this.
i want to bake cookies.
dropped out of harvard to open a bakery.
fell in love with a charachature in a red sweater.
"i believe your writing a story about me... when i file papers i hear a deep ocean."

tragedy or a comedy.
tragedy you die- comedy you fall in love.

tragedy you get rejected.
comedy you get accepted.
no fucking way
its the other fucking way around.
give me one comedy about being accepted.

"outrageous for a man like me to stand here and complain
painting my hair the color of mud"

i think that if i had a twin i would run away
because they would come with me
and like me
and like running away
and like running away with me

run away with me?
i dont think i like u enough.

i cant stay here and give up
i have to go far away and shout back to the shore: by the way! i give up!
and then dissapear over the horizon.
or under it.

pirate ship!
point a to point b
to a whole new level!
always moving!
never standing still!
always moving! and always with the simple
uncreative goal of "treasure!"
im stuck!

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Pact

It’s so warm today.
The wind blows and the sky is churning, black against grey
with the bitter resentment of winter overpowered.
No matter how it howls
There’s no bitterness wind
That whisks pleasantly past my face and blows my hair around my eyes.

The rock where I sit is the day’s only memory
Frozen with yesterdays chill, it turns my thighs numb
And chuckles with the small piece of consciousness that
One of the philosophers promises us that rocks have.
"No windows or doors for anything to come in or out"
Just self and consciousness of self
Is what the rock has.

But I’m sure somehow that the wind and the rock have formed a wordless pact
"There’s nothing I can do!" says the wind
As he lifts the pages of this book
Flipping back to an entry from last summer.
What a tease.
"You must hold the winter for us until tomorrow."

And the rock chuckles inside its windowless soul,
While the message rattles the shutters on its walls.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


when predicting the future, tarot card readings and all such silliness predict only the future of the path that you are on now; if i read my tarot cards they will give me the outcome of an event if everything continues the way it is going.
"If i take this path (draws a card) then this (another card) will be the outcome."

one of the futures we like to imagine looks like pipes and slime and factories giving off filthy smog but another one of the paths we are on is headed towards a silence where we all live in round white ihouses.
and wear white, clean, shiny, iclothing.
and we wont communicate and the world will stay silent... like snow

Ever notice how everything is quiter after snow... with only a few foggy sounds from far away.
thats what i see when i see the white iworld.

...everything pulsing with that white round light that mac computers pulse with when they go to sleep.

the iways will shine as the icars whip around corners, quietly, like slieghs on ice. and when theyre not driving the icars pulse in the drivways.
theres a setting to turn off the pulsing light but only the most computer savvy people know how to do it so mostly the world will pulse

and be quiet
except for the sounds of quiet keyboards.
and the tiny crescendos of computers turning on.