Friday, February 12, 2010


in my dream i was driving on the highway between home and the mall. i was going to see a movie. i was excited.
but the sun was shining in my eyes and i suddenly i couldnt see.
i was driving but the sun was so bright in my eyes (i realized later as i woke up that, in real life, the sun was shining on my face through the window) i coudnt open my eyes, even to stare into the sun, it was as thought my unconcious brain functions had taken over, for my eye's preservation. "you will not look into the sun, it will hurt you." was what i imagined my brain was thinking and it continued to squint and shut my eyes while i tried to watch the road.
-ive had dreams like this before. dreams where the fact that i am asleep, the feeling that my real body is feeling of my eyes being closed, begins to infiltrate the dream and in the dream some circumstance arrises where i cannot open my eyes.
anyway, i was driving and i couldnt open my eyes and i kept thinking, i should really pull over but i cant pull over because i cant see how to pull over, maybe i should stop but im on the highway and if i stop the people behind me will crash into me.

as i began to wake up i began, right away, to analyze the dream.
i dont like analyzing dreams by 'meanings' that someone else has assigned to them. usually i like to analyze my dreams by the way they make me feel. i mean, they are inside my brain so they are created by me so the analyzations should be created by me as well.
now, that said, there are some symbols that i like. and that make sense to me and that my brain, uses (i suppose) to communicate with itself because the brain that creates the dreams is the same one that is going to analyze them later... so anyway- my brain likes driving as a symbol.
driving is supposed to symbolize life. which is pretty straight forward.
if you are driving you are driving you life.
if you are in the passenger seat take note of who it is who is driving you life.
if you are about to go over a cliff and you are driving... thats interesting. if you are about to go over a cliff and someone else is driving... thats interesting.
i am driving down a highway very very fast, blinded by sunlight, unable to see, but still feeling, under the fear and confusion, intense frustration that this really extreme emergency of a situation is preventing me from getting to the mall where the movie that i want to see is happening.
that was the feeling of the dream...
this huge life altering possibly deathly situation and im so incredibly frustrated that it seems i will have to take myself off the road and not make it to my movie, or die and not make it to my movie.

and even though dying is something that im scared of, the bigger fear was that i would die and not make it to the movie.
i think that i made that point like eight times.

i woke up and wondered if the dream was about the stress of planning and making my freshmen final film.
but i think its more about even though im pretty clueless about what im doing, im still blindly hurtling towards it really really fast pretending that i know how to drive, pretending that i know how to drive blind and pretending that im worried about dying. but really i have no idea what im doing, or how to do it and im definatly not afraid of anything... which is kinda strange.

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