ive been home from florida for a few weeks now.
ive been feeling a bit lonely after spending that tropical week completly surounded by friends.
i realized the solution to the lonliness would be to move in with one of my friends. they could go to work and not even hang out with me at all but when i came home i would come home to somwhere where someone was and when they came home they would come home to where i was and no one would be lonely.
i want to go to college,
"enjoy your summer." said the film conservatory junior waving to me as i left orientaion with my bag and my pillow.
i grinned and waved.
"no really." he held my gaze and nodded once at me as he said: "really enjoy it."
they tell us we wont have any time for anything resembling a social life.
no jobs, no parties, no study abroad just MOVIES!
theres a part of me that hopes i fall in love at school.
theres a part of me that hopes i fall in love with everyone and am never alone and have people holding my hands and sharing my pillows and whispering secrets all the time.
theres a part of me that hopes i dont get to know anyone and just sit in my mind and make up movies and make movies and imagine myself into magical places.
that last part of me is not so confident in its existance.
that last part might be terror disquised as indiference.
i like option two the best.
i might be in a triple.
"three beds, three dressers, three desks and two closets. you'll make it work."