happy thursday

i was at barns and noble.
i was there right after midterms.
it was like 10am.
it was almost empty...except for this freaky stressed out man on a cell phone who was spazzing out cuz his chair was shaky.
he was talking to someone about lawyers...
and he burned his mouth on his coffee...

i was reading the really big, exspensive european fashion magazines from the back of the rack...that you have to stand on ur toes to reach...
i love them.
i bought one for 9 fucking dollars...
cuz i loved one spread in it...
lol.
and i cut it up and put it on my wall.
i also found this picture that i really wanted in a magazine that i really didnt want to buy...
the magazine was JANE and it had mandy moore on the cover.
and mandy moore makes me angry.
but i bought that magazine and the one for 9 fucking dollars.
the picture in JANE was of two girls smiling with thier arms around eachother wearing heart shaped sunglasses.
its on my wall now.
i also got "everything is illuminated."
i love that writer.
anyway..
yeah i was at barnes and noble today..

movie review 1-21-07

i saw ALPHA DOG...
actually i saw it last weekend...
but i need somthing to do to help me avoid my midterm studying...
so im reviewing it now.
i thought it was a good movie...
i didnt enjoy it...
too painful...
if i had known it was based on true events i wouldnt have been surprised by the way it turned out.
but i didnt know...
and it was painful...
so...
justin...
was pretty good.
but.
i have a hunch that it was just the way he was filmed..
and the charecter he was playing...
was pretty straight foward: cocky, sad, abandoned son.
but then he had this one...
crying/ shaking/ desperate moment...
and i was proud of him...
i liked the split screen too...
i usually dont like split screen but i liked the timing of the split and the coming back to single screen...
it was well done.
but painful.

old facebook note... that i liked and am reposting

SUB: kinda sleepy...and thinking again...

12:01am Sunday, Dec 31, 2006 | Edit Note | Delete

im kinda sleepy...
so this may be jumbled and hard to comprehend... but,
i noticed...yesterday... no... the day before.
that for most people...everything always has to be funny.
i was with molly and hannah.
and i told a story.
and it wasnt funny
but it wasnt meant to be funny.
and molly said "great story." ( and that was funny..the way she said it...and i laughed...)
but...
okay so somtimes someone means that your story wasnt intersting... wasnt worht thier time...
but
i thought...
why does everything need to be entertaining...?? (thats a better word..."entertaining" not "funny")
for someone to think it was worth thier time?...
why cant we just say things to fill up empty sound...
why do they have to be the "right" things...
the
-non random
-entertaing
-not to long
-not to inteligent ("deep"..)
-not to shallow
-kinda original
things...
we are spoiled by all the witty people we read about and watch...
the people who entertain us...
THOUGHT:
as an actress...
i find that there is a fine line...for me... between BEING WHO I WANT TO BE and PLAYING THE PART OF THE TYPE OF CHARECTER THAT I THINK I WANT TO BE (in everyday life.)
... so...
why do we have to do thought-out things...
???????
just wondering...
we should -just be-...
i think it would be refreshing...
im gonna try it.
ill probobly forget...
forget to remember to not think about what im doing/ saying...
okay...
sometimes i think
i think to much...

letter...

people always tell me "you dont seem like a shy person"
its funny...
i actually think i am shy..
i think people (and i) put shy and self concious as the same thing.
but they arnt...
like... ill say anything i want to anyone i want to say it to.... but i will think about it... more then the averege out going person...

and i also talk about myself sooo much more...
when people hear me talking about myself they say things like "i didnt know you were shy." but they really mean... i didnt know u were this self concious...
self concious... more like...self pondering....
lol
yep...
new topic...lol..
the voice of that boy in (the book im reading) "extreamly loud and incredibly close" sounds exactly like my brain!!!!
i love him! lol
if he is autistic....then i am!
cuz i swear... if i didnt think it sounded crazy (if i was still nine years old) i would talk about all the things that he talks about...cuz i doo think about themmm...
its pretty nifty...
im carying the book around in my red bag...
it makes me happy.
im going into the city tomorow.
with friends from film camp..
we are having our first big reunion..
like eleven people can come...
we have no plans..
we are just all gonna walk around i guess.
one kid--kevin-- lives in the city so hes gonna be our guild... hes kinda crazy though... so we are a little scared... and excited...
we are gonna look like such tourists cuz we are all gonna have our cameras.
there is a fine like between tourist and photographer.
im excited!
i donno what to wear!
i love clothes.
clothes are a very under appreciated art form...
not that clothes are under appreciated... haha...
no... they are under appreciated as an art form... cuz they are one,...
i think i want to be some kind of clothes person...
like a costume or fashion designeer..
ill add it to my list...
actress
film maker
writer
painter
poet
fashion designer...
hehe
i dont like high school.
i wish i could just go right into life.
i like life.
i hate how some people (my age)'s lives seem to center around school.
it seems so irrelivent to me...
i mean.
its one thing to want to get good grades so that you can go to a good college so that you can do waht you want to do with your life...
but its another thing to just get good grades... and u dont really think about why your doing it... you just do it... it seems kind of sad...
i dont know what id think about if i had values like that...
i wonder what they think about...
i like to say "these kids dont think."
but i know they do.
there minds arnt just quiet.
i really wish i could hear thier thoughts...
i wonder what they would think if they heard mine.
ugg!
i always do this.
i seperate myself from other people...
i make myself better then them... or i make myself worse then them...
im trying to stop.
i think it would be healthier.
hmmm...
my fingers hurt...
do u ever get in a frenzy when your typing...?
like you cant stop and ur fingers are cramping up but you just keep going?..
kind of like when your talking and the spit is building up in your mouth and your running out a air but you keep going and you gasp and spit out the last sentence cuz you were just so into what you were saying?...
welll my fingers are like that right now... with typing...
and i need to stop cuz it hurts...
good night!

titanic

"there she is...towering high...broad and grand...ship of dreams..."

these songs wont get out of my head!!!!!!
and they are all rather desperate and frustratingly morbid...
"no moon no wind nothing to spy things by...no wave no swell no line where sea meets sky"
i noticed that all musicals have like three melodies with slight variations.
and i also noticed that all you have to do to act in a musical is make you eyes wide and look off...leaning slightly foward towards your toes... at the exit sign in the back of the house...
no...
i looove musicals
and i love being in them.
and i dont think that that is all it takes to act in them...
but..
i just was thinking...
hmmm.....
i wanna make a movie about backstage at a rehersal...
today i was siting in rehersal and a whole line of girls were practicing thier lines in a whispers...
and they were all really into it...
(which i am always sooo jealous of... cuz i can never get totally into charecter untill i am safe on stage with no restrictions...)
and they were all...expressions and accents and yeah...
but talking to noone.
next to another girl who was talking and reacting to noone...
i thought that was pretty cinematic.
i wanna film...
but for some reason behind i camera i feel like im killing the spontinaety of the moment...
like if i can replay it then its not as one moment like..
and not as brilliant...
i think that is the filmmakers challenge...
ooo...
i having trouble thinking in straight lines...
i just drank a graanndeee and i have a low cofee toleration level...
my hands are shaky as i type trhis...

okay i need to stop...
ismay: "possibly she wont go down... possibly shell stay afloat...possibly all this will come to end on a positive note..."
andrews "not enless the ship could fly...not enless we all sprout wings...
honestly sir i have built her from scratch and i know certain things..."
ismay: "couldnt you design it right?... whoever heard of steel that rips?."
andrews: "ismay im just in the business of building its god who sinks ships..."

okay i lied...
typing with shaky cafinated fingers is sooo much fun!!!!!1

jumping from razor blade to razor blade.

so this kid...
jumped out a window last year at my school.
i didnt go to that school at the time.
but i had heard about him.
he jumped out a window and slid down a rope...and ripped up his hands...
yesterday i met him.
and he told that story.
i said "why?"
in response to his story.
he said "why not?"
i said "yeah....but why?"
meaning :why did you rip up your hands...
but he answered the question that...even though i pretend to be crazy and understanding of crazy people...was present within my question...
"all you people..." he says.
i knew where this was going.
i said "all you people?... i resent that."
he said. "maybe but you also resemble it."
i liked that line...
he said "all you people spend you entire lives standing on the sharpened end of razor blades... you set up chairs and tables on those razor blades and try to get comfortable...
now me.." he says "i jump from razor blade to razor blade... which is better anyway cuz eventually the blades are gonna cut through the bottom of you tables and chair and your comportable set up...and youll fall."
now.
he may have read that somwhere...he may have written it... he may have thought of it on the spot...
i dont care.
i liked it.
i said...
later in the conversation...when the conversation have progressed to other places i said.
"people are never honest..."
he said "some people are...: you have pretty eyes."
i said "thank you"
i told him that one of my teaches had told me just that week that we should try just as an experiment to answer the question: "hows life." literally.
he said "hows life?"
i said "life is pretty shitty cuz im obsessing over a person..."
he laughed at me...
i would have laughed at me too...
i liked that kid...

smiling candles...

i see them everywhere.
especially in the winter...
little snowmen..smiling... wearing little hats and holding rakes...with wicks coming out of thier heads.
does anyone ever burn them?
i think it woud be kinda morbid to burn them...
imagine thier smiles mealting... and thier plastic eyes..which wouldnt melt...sliding down thier faces...
okay.
so.
i wanna put that in a movie...
id write exactly how i would put that in a movie..
but im having a paranoid moment
and imagining someone reading this and becoming famous with my idea...
so..
im gonna have to find a way to write about my ideas without the risk of theft...
or ill just have to change the name of my blog...

jake.

jake read my blog.
hes been my friend since i was four years old...
but he still thinks its okay to tell me: "dont tell people to read your blog. i read it and you sound pathetic and sad..."
i think he just felt like he needed to come up with a different way of saying i was emo...
cuz hes worn that expression out.
it is verrrry verry lucky for jake that my computer spases out everytime i try to upload a pic...
cuz
see
i have this one here of jake in tights in our class play...
the one where jake wore tights...
so...
like i said...
lucky for him i have a spasistic computer...
i dont think i sound pathetic and sad..
i think i sound honest and maybe a little crazy...
=)
theres some honesty for you...
i am going to take the link of facebook though...
which just proves how pathetic and sad and unselfconfident i am...
there jake...
read that line again.
okay.
now shake your head and laugh...
k.
done?
YOUR DARLING TALKATIVE HIGHPER KATIE HAS GONE EMO!!!!!
DEAL WITH IT!...

a comment i posted on a friends myspace... i liked it.

i got this little glass heart from nova...
remember nova?...that tiny little place with all the wooden toys and the dolls with no faces that smell like lavender?..
well
i got a little heart from there.
and i dropped it
and its glass
but it didnt break.
=)
i thought is was going to...
and then i thought if it did i would sit down and cry holding the little pieces like a generic cinematic metephore...
but it didnt break.
so i smiled.
and realized that that was cinematic too.
thats a little story for you.
♥
and thats some love for you.
-kt

pathetically inacurate asumptions

we constantly and pathetically inacuratly assume that the thoughts of every passer-by are about us and negativly so...
so...
since passers-by are probobly not thinking about us at all...
i think...
it is a good self confidence booster to just assume they are thinking GOOD things about us.
instead of creating negative illusions from non exsistent opinions...
why dont we just create positive illusions from non exsitent opinions...
the feelings dont have anything to do with the other people anyway...
its all in our own sheads...
so all within out control...
so...
while every quick irrelivent glance froma stranger used to make you (me) feel like you were (i was) being judged and evaluated...
why dont you (i am starting to) assume that every look is a admiring envious one...
and i think your (my) days will be jollier as a result...
=)

how do u know?... does it matter?...

how do u know if you are having a real feeling or if you are inventing the feeling.

i have a dream of becoming an actress...
so...
i wonder sometimes about what i could make myself feel...
could i make myself cry?
get angry?

but...
sometimes when i am truly upset about something...
and i am organically begining to cry...
a thought pops up in my head "wow...look, your crying. how do you feel? could you reinvent this feeling later on camera? and cry on command?... but wait... your still crying... and not thinking about what you were thinking about before that was making you cry... so... right now you are crying and thinking about somthing else... so this is acting?...no?... is it?..."

and other times...
i think.
"wow. this movie is pretty touching... i think i should cry now."
and then i do.
so.
is that acting?
or is that me feeling touched by somthing and crying becuase i am touched by it.
even thought it was a concious descision to cry...
i was touched... and i cried...

so.

is that a true emotional exxperience?...

hmmm...

2007

goals for 2007.

find the fine line between ACTING AS IF you are happy/silly and smiling and ACTUALLY BEING happy/silly and smiling.