Written On The Body

my roommates alarm clock sounds like the fire alarm and so i dreamed that i was ignoring the alarm and that... hey nothing happened... no one cares. no one is coming to get me...
and then
and then
the dream ended and i had to roll over step over twice, comprehend the odd little buttons one of which turned on the news which said... something... before i found the off switch and switched off.

im reading a book that is supposed to be narrated by a genderless narrator
but i was sure it was a man
but my aunt was sure it was a woman

and now i feel even more strongly what ive been saying to max... if he was listening... he was busy, so might not have been
and to raina, when we were leaning on the wall looking at the sky where the moon usually is
but in fact the moon wasnt because actually
its only there when... its there...
leaning on the wall looking at the lack of the moon
over the sailboats over the lights on the opposite side of the hudson...
i told raina about what im thinking about which is that there really is no differnce between men and women.
only the differences that we allow ourselves because we think that they are allowed.
and she disagreed and i only argued halfheartedly, its true, because i wasnt really sure if it was true.
but i thought it was.
and now i really think so.
because what happened was
in this book
the narrator doesnt talk much. he she always listens while the women talk... and she he says things... in little moments... in little bursts of admiting what he she has been admiting in the narration for pages and pages without a single quotation mark.
and
what i realized about myself is that i thought that she he sounded male because he she kept everything inside.
thats bullshit.

but the book is very very good.
and i hope the fact that ive decided to let the narration swing from gender to gender on each page will not make it less wonderful
because i was enjoying it as a man.
she he is a beautiful man in my mind.
and the image of he she being a beautiful woman is forming.
but
he she is a very quiet woman...
and even after all that
i still think that he she is a man.

fuck
thats really successful writing.

how would you (never ever attempt) to make that into a movie?
impossible!
wow.
yum.

btw the book is called
"written on the body" by jeanette winterson