rant

away
want to go away
get away
from something that feels like nothing but also feels like everything
everything means nothing

where?
away
away where?
tasks...
bake
chores
point a to point be
process, process, process,
remember to pre-heat
bake
cookies!
point a to point b.
no..
creativity
just
measurments and sugar.
tell me what to do!
but dont tell me what to do!
i know what to do!
make me do it!
i will
make me do it!
shut up!
never
stillness
tired
ache
heart sqeeezzeedd with tight situations.
sunny breezy big windowed mornings!
please!
im done.
fail me!
im done!
i dont want anything
except everything.
dont tell me what to do.
i want to do everything.
NOTHING!
college! shit!
no!
i dont want to make movies!
i want to make stories
in my head!!
i dont want to show them to you!
theyre mine!
theyre incredible!
perfect!
but youll never know
listen.
whispering.
i cant do this.
"we"
could we do it?
no!
i hate you!
no
i just dont like you
that doesnt imply hate
dont touch me!
if you touch me i hate you!
i cant do this.
i want to bake cookies.
dropped out of harvard to open a bakery.
fell in love with a charachature in a red sweater.
"i believe your writing a story about me... when i file papers i hear a deep ocean."

tragedy or a comedy.
tragedy you die- comedy you fall in love.

tragedy you get rejected.
comedy you get accepted.
no fucking way
its the other fucking way around.
give me one comedy about being accepted.

"outrageous for a man like me to stand here and complain
painting my hair the color of mud"

i think that if i had a twin i would run away
because they would come with me
and like me
and like running away
and like running away with me

run away with me?
i dont think i like u enough.

i cant stay here and give up
i have to go far away and shout back to the shore: by the way! i give up!
and then dissapear over the horizon.
or under it.

pirate ship!
yes!
point a to point b
to a whole new level!
always moving!
never standing still!
always moving! and always with the simple
uncreative goal of "treasure!"
piracy!
yes!
please
im stuck!